Almost Everything
by sammieannie
Summary: Cece and Schmidt are engaged. Nick and Jess have just rediscovered an item from their past, and it's playing with both of their heads. How will Nick and Jess deal with this new discovery during a weekend away to celebrate Cece and Schmidt's engagement?
1. Chapter 1: Nick

**Nick's Perspective**

Nick was in a rut.

The last few weeks had been trying in more ways than one.

Work at the bar had become more monotonous than he had ever experienced. The drunken weekday regulars and the late night shifts and the tireless attention from college girls on Friday nights had worn him ragged. Since breaking up with Kai a few months before, Nick realized he was no longer as interested in meaningless one night stands as he had been earlier in the year. And suddenly, for how much Nick typically loved it, bartending itself suddenly had become boring to him _._ While Nick did sometimes have the tendency to cruise by in various aspects of his life, his latest dabbles in business ventures with Schmidt had created an overload of creative energy.

He wanted to innovate. He wanted to pursue. He wanted to grow. But he just didn't know how.

To make matters worse, one of his best friends, Coach, had just moved across the country to start a new chapter in his life with his girlfriend May. Not that Nick should have been surprised; Coach had been a transient his entire life. Even still, it was always tough when he left. Coach personified energy and perseverance, and Nick had come to find that energy inspiring as of late.

And then there was Schmidt. His business partner, his constant companion. A newly engaged man. Nick was happy for him and for Cece, he really was, but Nick couldn't help but feel a bit sorry for himself at the same time. If someone asked him ten years ago who he thought would be the first of the duo to get married, he wouldn't have hesitated to think it would have been himself.

And at one point, he definitely envisioned Jess as the woman he would marry.

When he had been dating Jess, Nick could feel himself changing for the better. He knew he was getting closer to becoming the person, whoever it may be, that he wanted to be. And so when he lost her as his girlfriend, the old, destructive habits returned, and he lost himself in self-doubt and casual flings and a vicious daily cycle of tedium.

It is a strange feeling to see one's friends moving on, pursuing deeper and more meaningful relationships and career endeavors, and by contrast, to find one's self still stuck in the same patterns begun years and years before.

But such was the situation for Nick Miller. And predictably, the convergence of all of these factors had once again rendered him the resident loft grump, perpetually plagued by a distinct turtle-like demeanor.

The Saturday morning after Schmidt proposed to Cece, Nick awoke suddenly to sounds of laughter and merriment coming from the kitchen.

Nope.

He was not in the mood for this.

He had only been asleep for a few hours, as Mike had made him stay late at the bar for an obscene amount of time last night. All Nick wanted to do now was to sleep past noon, but the people outside of his door were making sure that that would never happen. Nick rolled over and smashed his pillow against his ears attempting to block out the chatter, but to absolutely no avail.

It was hopeless. He was now awake.

Wide awake.

With a groan and a rough shedding of his quilt, Nick stomped into his slippers and ambled out the door to gauge the reason for all of the damn commotion. His grumbling did not cease as he rounded the corner to see Jess, Schmidt, Cece, and Winston gathered around the dining room table for breakfast, talking excitedly about God only knew what.

How could people be this chipper so early in the goddamn morning?

"Jessica Christopher Day, this is positively the best idea you've ever had! Who knew that a public school principal had the ability to concoct a celebration of such epic proportions?"

As Schmidt's somewhat offensive comment was met by jeers from the group, Nick made the last few steps to the dining room table, gripped the back of the empty chair in front of him, and interrupted their conversation with a low growl. "What in hell's name could possibly going on here at 8 a.m. on a Saturday?"

"Good morning to you, too, Mr. Sunshine!" Jess replied brightly as she quickly moved to pour Nick a cup of coffee. Her hand brushed his lightly as she handed him the mug, but he was feeling too irritable in that moment to properly acknowledge the slight chill that ran up his arm as a result of their contact.

"Today's the day, Nicholas! Jessica has planned a momentous celebration of Cecelia's and my engagement for this weekend! A wine tasting tour up north along the Pacific Coast Wine Trail. What a perfect way to get a jump start on our wedding planning, hey Nick?"

Nick instantly felt his face fall into turtle-mode as he dragged one palm over his eyes and nose. He couldn't really explain why this news annoyed him so much, but he made tiny fists with his toes in an effort to steady the growing irritation in his voice.

"Today?" Nick asked tersely. His friends stared at him, a look of confusion playing on their faces. "Doesn't that seem like kind of a last-minute plan, gang?"

"Nick," Jess said. "Remember last week when I asked if you were busy this weekend and you said you weren't? I told you about this trip then and you agreed it was a good idea. I just thought it might be nice to officially celebrate Schmidt and Cece's engagement together. We'll go to a few wineries, do some tastings, and help them pick out the wine for their wedding. Don't you remember when you and I talked about this?"

Nick closed his eyes and sighed. He did remember the conversation. Well, he at least remembered _where_ he had been for the conversation. The details of what he and Jess had discussed that evening were definitely a little hazy. Jess had been sitting next to him on the couch, knees curled underneath her. She was about ready to go to bed, clad in her pink robe, her big blue eyes peering at him from behind her glasses. He was drinking a beer, trying to mentally prepare himself for another arduous evening at the bar. She was casually asking him about his plans for the following Saturday and Sunday. He nodded, said a few words, and she left to go to sleep.

And that was pretty much all that he remembered from that exchange. He had been so mesmerized by the way her dark hair had fallen around her shoulders, by the creamy skin of her legs exposed beneath her robe, so utterly distracting— _where had she put that damn sex mug?_ – that the quick run-down of the plans and his subsequent acknowledgment of those plans had pretty much been erased from his memory entirely.

Damn it, he really needed to do a better job of paying attention to the words she spoke to him these days, rather than to…other Jess-related things.

But ever since the day he found out that she had left that mug out for him, signaling her apparent interest in rekindling some sort of— _interaction_ —between the two of them…

Well, he could just add that one to the already long list of things that had been messing with his head lately.

"Yeah, Jess. Sure. I remember. But why so far away? There are perfectly good wineries close by!"

"Nick," Schmidt began more quietly. "You know it's always been my dream to go wine-tasting for my wedding out on the Pacific Coast Wine Trail."

"Nick, dude, chill out. I'm driving anyway. It's no big deal," Winston added.

Nick concentrated on relaxing his toes and drawing deep breaths. He was being ridiculous. He knew that. He was just exhausted and it was his own stupid fault that he hadn't remembered that this weekend was the big weekend. It wasn't fair to Schmidt and Cece and the others to let his recent weirdness affect their time to celebrate together.

"Yeah, sure. Sorry, Schmidt. Sorry, guys. I've been so crazed at work lately, I guess I just forgot. I'll go get ready." While Nick's intentions to apologize were true, his response still sounded clipped, brusque. His body language mirrored his tone of voice as he quickly turned on his heel and marched back to his bedroom.

Nick had just collapsed onto his bed when not thirty seconds later, he heard three light taps on his door and the creak of the wood as it opened. Slipping through the opening in the doorframe was Jess, her furrowed brow alerting him to her worry.

"Nick, what's going on? Are you okay? What happened back there?"

Nick tried not to stare at her as she stood illuminated by the early morning sun creeping in through his bedroom window. Even when she wasn't fully made up or showered…God…she was still gorgeous.

He shook his head quickly to clear his brain. He needed to focus. And he was by no means about to plague Jess, or anyone else for that matter, with the crap that was going on with him lately.

"Nothing, Jess. I'm fine, really. I'm just annoyed at Mike for making me stay so late at the bar last night. I'll be fine, I promise. You don't need to check on me. I promise I won't ruin the weekend." Nick stood up from his bed and began moving around, shuffling through piles of clothes, trying to look anywhere except at her.

"It's just…Nick…I haven't seen you get so worked up over something so small in awhile. Are you sure there's nothing I can do to help?"

Nick continued his charade of looking for something to wear to the godforsaken wineries way up north. He was tempted just to leave in a hoodie and sweatpants. "Nope," he replied, still not looking at her. "It's all good."

As he shuffled by her to start sifting through the limited contents of his closet, Jess gently grabbed his arm. This time, there was absolutely no ignoring the jolt he felt through his skin as her fingers closed around his wrist.

"Nick," she whispered. "Just look at me for a second, please?" He obeyed. She had always held an inexplicable power over him.

"Just…try to relax today. This weekend is supposed to be fun, not stressful. You can nap in the car to reenergize. Just take a few deep breaths, and please put on a smile for Schmidt and Cece today, okay?" She hesitated slightly, then took a deep breath. "And if not for them, then for me?"

This placated Nick. His eyes softened and for the first time all morning, the corners of his mouth turned upward into a small smile. He nodded slowly as an answer to her question, and Jess gave his arm one final squeeze before turning to head out toward her own room.

"Thanks," she said. "I really appreciate it." And just like that, she was gone.

For a solid minute, Nick stood frozen to the spot where Jess had left him, contemplating how he had agreed to be on his best behavior simply because _she_ had asked him to. Not necessarily because it was his best friend's time to shine, but rather, because Jess had pleaded with him with those undeniably convincing eyes.

And all he could think was, _Yes, yes of course, Jess. Whatever you say. I'll do it._

Nick absently stroked the place on his arm where her fingers had just been, recalling the warmth of her touch and the undeniable fact that Jess was back to complicating and confusing his life.

Just add that one to the list, too.


	2. Chapter 2: Jess

**Jess's Perspective**

Just like for her future bachelorette party, Jess had been mentally preparing for Cece's future engagement celebration for as long as she could remember. Her plan was flawless: A jaunt up to Cambria to indulge in a few wineries on the Pacific Coast Wine Trail, a nice evening with friends in a cute little hotel, and a few days of relaxation during the celebration of one of the most important milestones in her best friend's life.

And as an added bonus, it just so happened that Schmidt had been planning for a similar wine-tasting trip for the better part of his adult life as well.

As a result, Schmidt was more excited and upbeat (and perhaps, a little bit more annoying) than usual, Cece was positively glowing, and Jess was just happy that everyone else was happy.

Well, _almost_ everyone was happy.

Because there was that one person who had been even more unusually grumpy as of late: Nick Miller.

Jess had the feeling that something had been up with him for awhile, but after his little explosion in the kitchen that morning, she was worried that his mood would not change for the better any time soon. So she went to go talk to him to set his attitude straight. For Schmidt and Cece's sake.

And well, okay. She was genuinely worried about him too. She had always been worried about him. And she always would be worried about him.

It was simply the nature of her relationship with Nick.

But on the other side of the coin, she would be damned if he did anything to screw up the perfect weekend ahead of them.

"Alright plebeians, let us begin our foray into royal wine-tasking by disembarking from our meager village. My princess deserves nothing but the best today. Onwards and upwards….Huzzah!"

Schmidt scooped up his and Cece's bags and practically skipped out to the elevator, Cece laughing and following close behind. With a quick roll of his eyes, Winston grabbed his and Jess's things and followed suit. Jess grinned from ear-to-ear. Schmidt's inane metaphors and hyperboles could be downright maddening at times, but his love for Cece let Jess know that her best friend was in good hands.

Jess took a quick glance around the empty loft and realized that she hadn't seen Nick leave his room since she went in to talk to him. She knew Schmidt had gone in to help him pack and to pick out his outfit, so she didn't really understand why it was taking him so long. What the hell was he doing? Was he coming or not? What was the point of her little pep talk and his agreeing to "be on his best behavior" if he wasn't even going to show his dumb face after all? Jess knew that the gang needed to hit the road soon, and her patience with the boy across the hall was wearing dangerously thin.

She gave him two more minutes, but when she heard no sound coming from the other side of his door, she blew her bangs off her face in aggravation and marched down the hallway.

This time, she wasn't going to be quite as nice as she was the first time around.

Three quick knocks on the door. A little sharper, she realized, than the knocks she initiated earlier.

"Nick? Hey, Nick? C'mon, are you ready to go or not?" Jess took a tone, one that eluded more to a sense of exasperation than to the undercurrent of understanding that she had shown him before. A tone she knew that Nick likely would not take kindly to.

Although she didn't really process it at the time, she was already setting herself up for failure.

Before she could knock again or say another word, Nick's door swung open with full force. Her breath caught in her throat at the sight of him. Because as predicted, Schmidt most definitely had not allowed Nick to wear the sweatpants he had been donning in the morning. Oh no. In fact, the Nick Miller that was standing in front of her was one that Jessica Day did not get the pleasure of seeing very often.

Jess licked her lips as she looked at Schmidt's handiwork. Her roommate had managed to wrestle Nick into a crisp, light blue button-down tucked into a pair of nice jeans. The top buttons were left undone, giving Jess a tantalizing peek at the chest hair underneath. Nick's hair itself was still a little mussed from the morning, almost like he had rolled out of bed a minute rather than an hour ago. He clearly had not bothered to shave, as slight stubble peppered his face in a deliciously distracting fashion. His brown eyes were staring into hers with an intensity so resolute that Jess felt her irritation from a minute ago melt away as she looked (she wasn't gawking, was she?) at the man before her. She felt her stomach twinge in a way that she hadn't felt for a very long time.

Damn, he looked _good._

However, the moment was over in an instant as Jess realized the look he was giving her was not quite the same as the one he had given her right before breaking the fish tank that night so long ago. Or that time he had stared her down while gargling his beer.

Nope. This time, this look indicated that he was decidedly not happy with her.

"Thanks," Nick muttered as he squeezed by her through the door, arm brushing arm, "for rushing me out the door on our way to the middle of nowhere."

Jess felt as if she had been knocked to the ground. The twinge in her stomach started to burn. _That_ snarky little comment from him certainly grabbed her attention and brought her back to reality. And she was not about to let him walk away and have the last word. No. Way.

"Ex _cuse_ me?" Jess's feet quickened to keep pace with Nick's long strides. "Don't start with that attitude, Nicholas. It's not my fault you can't pay attention and remember the plans that you have made! It's Schmidt's and Cece's day and you better be nice so as to not spoil it!"

Nick said nothing, but instead continued purposefully toward the door with his duffel bag slung over his shoulder. Jess caught up to him and forcefully pulled at his arm so that he would stop and look at her.

He did.

"What?" Nick almost shouted. His nostrils flared. His neck was becoming redder, the infamous vein beginning to pop just a bit. "What could you possibly want to say now, Jess? I'm here, aren't I? I got ready, didn't I? It's not like I'm backing out; you can _literally_ see my feet walking out the door. I don't know why you can't just ever leave things alone, Jessica. Well, wait…let me take that back. I guess you _are_ pretty good at leaving things alone by now."

"What are you even talking about, Nick?" Jess's eyes were now big and wide, and she tried to keep her voice even despite her natural instincts to intensify their argument. "I have no idea what you're even saying right now! What do you mean by me _leaving things alone?_ "

"You do it now, Jess. You forget about…things….and you leave…and…you know what? Just forget it. Forget I even said anything." And with that, Nick turned on his heel once more and left Jess standing by herself in the empty loft.

Nick and Jess had not fought in months. In fact, it may have been longer than that. When _was_ the last time the two of them had fought? Last year? Before they broke up? Even though they shared such a small living space, they had managed to keep their distance from each other much better than anyone could have imagined.

To say she was shocked that Nick had actually argued with her and had shown such emotion was a definite understatement.

Where had this come from? What had caused Nick to suddenly jump down her throat, sending her mind toward memories of yelling about exes in the hallway, to talk of coolers and fluffers and the Louisiana Purchase and Mars and all of the other times when he drove her absolutely insane? To moments when they were friends, friends with a connection, with chemistry, with passion…

Before, they argued all the time.

Then, they stopped.

In Jess's opinion, they had stopped for too long.

Now this. What did this mean?

Confused by Nick's words and his behavior and still a little infuriated with him in general, Jess made her way downstairs to find the gang waiting for her in Winston's Escapade.

To her dismay, the only seat left in the car was the one right next to Nick.

Without a word, Jess slid in next to him, trying to make herself as small as possible so as not to annoy him any more than she already had. But as she adjusted to the cramped space, her knee touched his for just a moment. It sent a jolt of electricity through her. A jolt that awakened her to the visceral feelings and desires that she had begun to discover for him just a few years before… feelings that she had long since tucked away….

Or so she thought.

 _You are pretty good at leaving things alone…_

Jess chanced a quick side-glance at Nick and was met with the sight of a man exhausted from his stubbornness and anger and whatever else was going on with him these days.

Just how much of a part had she played in bringing Nick to the state he was in now?

 _You are pretty good at leaving things alone…_

With a start, Jess realized that perhaps she had played a bigger role in Nick's distress than she had ever realized.


	3. Chapter 3: Nick

**Author's Notes:** This chapter turned out to be way more angsty than I had originally planned, but I love writing angsty Nick since I can identify with him so well! I hope you enjoy chapter 3 of 5!

* * *

 **Nick's Perspective**

Nick's head rocked lightly from side to side as he began to stir from his slumber. Squeezing his closed eyes together even tighter, he gradually began to realize that the slowed down movement of the car signaled the approaching end of his nap. But oh, what a much needed nap it was! Maybe it was only because he craved the extra rest so badly, but Nick was quite certain that he had never slept better on a road trip in his entire life. He thought that he may even have had a pleasant dream…It had something to do with feeling happy and safe, but he couldn't quite remember the exact details of it…Regardless, Nick was by no means ready to open his eyes and let that feeling of amity come to an end.

Until.

"Nick? Hey, Nick? We're here, Nick."

The mixture of Jess's sweet breath and heavenly whispers tickled his ear and made something in his chest flutter. He felt an unwitting half of a smile cross his face. He mumbled something that was incomprehensible even to himself, and relaxed a little more into the warmth supporting his head.

Happiness.

Safety.

Then, it hit him.

Shit.

 _Shit._

He had fallen asleep on Jess's shoulder.

For the whole. Damn. Trip.

Nick shot up quickly and brought his hand to his face, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. _You idiot, you idiot, you idiot_ , his brain chorused repeatedly. _You fight with her, and then you fall asleep on her shoulder? What kind of stupid boy are you?_ Nick kept his eyes closed much longer than he probably should have. He didn't want to have to face Jess just yet…

"Hey, I'm sorry I fell asleep on your shoulder," Nick began, continuing to rub his closed eyes. "I one hundred percent did not mean for that to happen." His voice was heavy and scratchy from sleep.

Finally, Nick opened his eyes and glanced warily at the girl sitting next to him. He was met with a sheepish grin from Jess. She was not quite looking at him, but was instead distracted by the many zippers and fastenings of her purse.

"Not a problem, Nick. I know how tired you were. And I also know how much you seem to prefer my shoulder to a pillow when napping on road trips. Which, by the way, is something I don't think I will ever understand."

Nick chuckled and nodded his head a few times, memories of a random road trip to Mexico filling his brain. "Ha, yeah. You're right. That makes no sense, does it?" He considered her for a moment, simultaneously hoping she would look at him and also relieved that she wasn't witnessing him at his most vulnerable. "Sorry again, Jess."

Finally, he caught her eye.

"Stop apologizing, Nick. Not a big deal at all." She flashed him a small smile, opened the door of the car, and exited, closing the door behind her.

Nick stared straight ahead and sighed. Damn it, why did he always look like an idiot in front of Jess? He seemed to have a magical ability to make things way more awkward with her than they already were.

He waited a few moments, and then climbed out of the car as well. For someone who had been so adamant about not coming on this wine trail tour in the first place, Nick had to admit that the view of the Stolo Family Vineyard before him was absolutely stunning. Against the backdrop of a clear blue sky and rolling green hills sat an adorable white cottage, complete with two rustic rocking chairs sitting atop a front porch. Not far from the cottage was a large, red barn that faced many green acres of vines and grapes just waiting to be cultivated.

And in the distance, a girl with dark, curly brown hair skipped along the gravel path and chatted amicably with her friends. Sunshine and a smile illuminated her face.

Yes, the scene before Nick's eyes was a vision: One of plenary and utter beauty.

With that, Nick Miller walked down the same gravel path toward the cottage, with just a little more bounce in his step.

~N&J~

"What can I get for you next, sir?"

"Well…" Nick stared at the long menu of reds and whites and rosés as if he was trying to decipher a puzzle in a foreign language. Although he was a bartender by trade, Nick had never been well versed in wine tasting. He was definitely a whiskey and beer man. Wine was more of Schmidt's thing. "Um…can you tell me a little bit about this…uh…Double Cross Red Blend?" he asked.

"Of course, sir. The Blend contains Syrah and Pinot Noir as well as hints of blackberry, violet, and wood. It is one of our customers' favorites," the bartender replied automatically.

"Yeah, sure…that sounds great. I'll try that." The bartender poured the Blend into the glass and Nick began sipping slowly. He was sitting at the main bar with Schmidt and Cece. Schmidt was rambling on and on about which wine would be the perfect choice for the cocktail hour and Cece acquiesced to his excitement by making notes about each wine on her menu. Schmidt kept seeking Nick's opinion on the wine options as well, but to be honest, Nick wasn't completely engaged in the conversation. In fact, he was so preoccupied with watching Winston and Jess talk with one another at the oaken table nearby that he couldn't be sure that Schmidt and Cece even _were_ still on the topic of finding the absolute best rosé to serve at the wedding dinner.

Good god, was she ever stunning. Nick couldn't remember the last time he had allowed himself to just look at Jess. Her hair fell in splendid curls around her shoulders. Her sleeveless, royal blue sundress perfectly complemented her creamy and rosy-cheeked complexion. Her eyes danced with amusement as she listened to Winston tell one of his latest stories from work and her laugh—god, the sound of her laughter sent a warm wave of familiarity and bliss through Nick, a feeling totally and completely opposite to the one with which he had begun his day.

He couldn't let his highly charged emotions from the morning dictate the rest of their weekend. Nick and Jess were already too weird around each other, and Nick knew they definitely didn't need any more of that weirdness permeating their unquestionably fragile relationship.

Pride be damned. Nick was going to be a damn grown-up for once and do the right thing: Apologize to Jess for his behavior from earlier. Surely, that would get him on her good side again…right?

"…And I'm thinking that for the centerpieces we could have an arrangement of coral charm peonies, Juliet garden roses, and parrot tulips-"

"Oh my god, Schmidt. You're too much. Considering it looks like we've lost Nick, we need to get a masculine opinion up in here. Winston! Get over here! Schmidt is talking about flower arrangements again!" Cece caught Winston's attention and he walked over to the bar, sighing in preparation for some more Schmidt-esque shenanigans.

This was his chance. Nick stood up and slowly walked up to Jess as she read something on her phone. He nudged her as he walked past, quickly taking Winston's vacated seat.

"Hey," he said quietly, staring into her crystal blue eyes.

"Hey, back," Jess replied.

"Jess, look, I'm sorry about this morning. I truly don't know what got into me. I was being a dummy and it wasn't fair that I took it out on ya. I'm sorry, Jess. I hope you can accept my apology."

Jess tilted her head to the side and curved her lips upward. She waited a few moments, seeming to consider Nick (and making him sweat in the process), and finally responded with, "It's all good, Miller."

Nick didn't realize how tense his muscles were until he felt his whole body relax at the sound of her words. He beamed in reply, leaning forward to rest his forearms on the table.

Being forgiven by Jess made him feel lighter somehow. Less broken.

However, Nick should have known Jess wasn't about to just let him continue on without a true explanation. "But hey Nick?" she added. "Can I ask you something?"

Nick took a deep breath. He nodded nervously.

"What the hell _was_ that actually all about?" she asked him.

Nick raised his eyebrows, made eye contact with Jess for the briefest of moments, and then almost instantaneously gazed down again. He shrugged, sheepish, not really wanting to place his burdens back on her.

"Oh…I mean…no…it's nothing. Don't worry about it Jess. I, uh, just haven't been having a good last few days."

"That's not it and you know it, Nick. You've always been grumpy, but you've been on a whole other level of turtle-faced Nick Miller lately."

He glanced down again and found that the paper napkin that used to rest innocently on the table had now been twisted into a violent knot in his hands. "No, really," Nick began, avoiding her gaze. "It's nothing. I just overreacted for no reason. It's cool."

A few tense seconds passed before Jess spoke again, this time much more subdued. "Okay. If that's all you have to say, then I believe you." She turned her head, attention drifting from Nick, seemingly desperate to look at anything in the tasting room besides him.

He was losing her. She was slipping away. She seemed-disappointed. Could that be possible? Once again, Nick and Jess were erring more on the side of acquaintances, mere roommates, rather than toward the degree of friendship that he missed so much. Is that what he wanted? To create this space, this distance between them again? To push her away whenever she wanted to be there for him, to help him?

Nick tipped his head back and sighed deeply. "You're right, Jess. There's more to it than just some bad days."

Jess looked startled at his sudden revelation, his honesty, his openness with her.

"It's just…I've never felt this…this... _lost_ before. I always kind of thought my life would just work itself out, but I've been having these panicky realizations of how I'm in my mid-thirties and I have no idea what I'm doing. I want this bar thing with Schmidt to work out, but I'm worried it's going to be another half ass idea like everything else that we do is. He's going to realize sooner or later that trying to run a fraction of a bar is a miserable way to support his wife. And I want to do something _meaningful_. Something that will help other people. Something that will remind people that I haven't always been this lazy, pathetic excuse for a human being. I'm not like that. I want to be good. I don't want to feel so alone and forgot—" Nick trailed off, eyes connecting briefly with Jess's. _Too much too soon, Miller_ ,he thought. He was rambling, he was choking. He needed to get it under control…"I mean, well…I guess, I just want others to know about what I have to offer."

He held her gaze with intention, with purpose. She followed suit, and he thought he saw a flicker of something cross her eyes. The feeling associated with this flicker, however, was something that he had trouble placing. Was she feeling sympathetic toward what he was going through? Was she freaked out by his soliloquy? Was she feeling sorry for poor old Nick Miller, who just never seemed to get anything right? Was she bored of his seemingly stagnant way of life, ready to just pat him on the shoulder, robotically tell him that everything would be alright, and then leave it at that? His lower back began pooling with sweat as he felt his determination from a second before falter. He'd said too much. He shouldn't have dumped everything on her like this. Not when they weren't even friends anymore. It was dumb. He shouldn't have done that. Shouldn't. Shouldn't. Shouldn't.

Nick went back to staring at and twisting and shredding the napkin in his hand. It's all he had to hold onto. All he could control. The fate of the napkin was in his hands.

And his own fate? Well, it didn't seem like it could possibly be in his hands anymore. It had been out of reach for too many years, for far too long.

Twist, shred, tear. Twist, shred, tear. With each piece that was ripped off came the stinging reminder of his ambition being twisted away from him, of the shredding of his self-confidence over the years.

Of the tearing of his heart that occurred every day when he saw Jessica Day's face and was reminded that she was no longer his own.

Twist, shred, tear. Twist, shred, tear.

And then, a different kind of tear.

This time, one lone tear falling from the corner of his right eye, tracing a trail of heartache down his cheek.

Just then, Jess's hand came into view, gently taking the contorted and tortured napkin from his hand and bringing it to rest beside her. Her hand then returned to his line of sight, and she covered his warm, strong hand with her own soft and small one.

Happiness. Safety.

"Let's take a walk," she whispered.


End file.
